Friday, September 24, 2010

So it's nearly 5 A.M.

Why am I awake? Well, I've been pondering everything that I need to do. Not just the short list of stuff for the next day, like packing to visit my parents, filling up the car, or knocking out some auditions before I go. No, these things that I need to do are the deep things that a person thinks about when reality starts knocking on your door, ready to give you one of those "checks" that are so chic these days.

One month from now, I will be married. I waxed philosophically enough about that the other day. If you made it through the whole thing, congratulations. Your eyes probably needed eyedrops after that marathon. Kathryn has already put it in the scrapbook. Love that you did that, by the way, baby, in case you're reading. :) But I digress. As I so succinctly and Captain-Obviously put it, I will be married in less than a month, and certain things start becoming more important, and others, less so. All this because 'my' household becomes 'our' household. My 'needs' are thought of longer and harder...and then relegated to my 'wants.' My voiceover hobby is slowly transforming into my voiceover career. All because Kathryn deserves it. She deserves my best. Not half-assed. Sorry for offending anyone's eyes. It sounds better than half-cocked. And gets less Beavis-and-Butt-head-level-of-maturity remarks. But, again, I digress.

Kathryn is going to be my family in thirty days. Pfft to that. She's already my family. My heart is hers. Now it's about time that I gave something else of myself. My effort would be a good start. She's already done so much for me. She loves me for me. That's the most herculean task of them all, trust me. Nobody else in the world would love me for me that wasn't a blood relation, and the jury's out on some of those. The point is, I know that people look past faults and shortcomings when relationships are new, but after a while, those things can drag the relationship down, and I resolve never to make Kathryn resent me. I want to get all of my ducks in a row. I want to dot every I and cross every T. I want to succeed, more than ever before. Because she deserves me at my best. Forget that quote by Marilyn Monroe about handling her at her worst in order to deserve her at her best. That's crap. At least most people's interpretation is crap. That quote is a description of only one facet of true love: the acceptance of faults and loving them despite of it all. I think that quote is used by people as an excuse to be selfish, impatient, insecure, out-of-control, and hard-to-handle (the bad qualities Norma Jean mentions). Nowadays, it's worn like a red badge of entitlement. Nobody should ever feel that way about themselves, like that have a license to be a jerk and that they display it to everyone...then wonder why they're so lonely. These are just some of the things that Kathryn and I talk about, especially when we're playing the Date Night game that Steve Carell and Tina Fey play at the table in the restaurant. ;)

I think that finding the love of my life at age 32 was really good for me. For both of us. It's been the greatest galvanizing event of my life. In the last month, I have done more of the little things to make my voiceover career viable than I have ever before. Who knew that I just had to find my soulmate to kick my career in the pants. That and leaving Oklahoma. And surrounding myself with people that care about me, support me, and hold me accountable for doing the things to succeed. Kathryn, of course, but also people like Gene Vann, Susan Bernard, Holly Franklin, Erik Sheppard, Bob Souer, Cliff Zellman, Bob Bergen, my parents, my sister, and my aunt and uncle, Holly and Don Branch. These folks have really given me a new lease on life. Everyone in that short list has done something to make me a better person in the last month. Now I have to take all of the efforts of those wonderful people, and combine with my own effort, and create some beautiful synergy.

Wow. Another novel. Who'd have thunk it. Maybe I'll actually talk VO stuff next time. ;)

Thank you, Bob Souer, for the mention. That's what I mean when talking about accountability. He mentions me on Facebook, I write a blog post. :) And honey, I'm sorry. This one probably isn't scrapbook material.

Now, about that list...

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